


On the Edge

by renegadejaybird (vitious)



Series: The Long and Bloody Road [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-10
Updated: 2012-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-29 08:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vitious/pseuds/renegadejaybird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're teetering on the brink of falling apart, grasping at straws.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Edge

Garrus has changed.  You want to believe that he’s just like old times but the truth is that he’s different, full of anger and hurt that wasn’t there before.  It’s difficult to adjust for the fact that you lost two years of your life, that you weren’t there for those you care for, that they all thought you were gone for so long.  You can no longer soothe his temper or appeal to that part of him that was always innocent and pure to a degree; it seems to have died with you.  For a while you’re okay with it, parts of him are still the same and, well, the new-found confidence is wonderful, makes you feel proud.

  
However it begins to wear on you, the single-minded anger and sorrow he carries now.  It sharpens his focus and deadens his social interractions at times.  Sometimes the humor feels like its just a facade, no matter how cheerful and real it sounds.  Really you want to corner him, want to confront him about it, but he’s always busy, always working to optimize the ship for their final battle.  Perhaps you should shut up and focus on the mission like everyone else seems to be but you simply can’t brush this aside.  Either you need to know that there’s no hope or  that there was something to be salvaged, at least before your possible, borderline inevitable, deaths.

  
Finally you both talk, but not about what you want to address.  He wants revenge on the one that killed his squad, wants to kill him like he helped kill his men.  Garrus is angry, emphatic, his posture all anger and desperation, something you never thought you’d see in him, not like this.  Thus, with a heavy sigh you reach out and you close the doors behind you, something that seems to startle him into stillness as he just stares at you.  It’s as if he hadn’t really seen you until right in that moment, something else which stings more than you’re willing to let on.

  
“Garrus…  This isn’t like you.” you  murmur, staying on the opposite side of the main battery for now.

  
“I hate to say it Shepard, but I’m not sure you’re the best judge of that.” Garrus counters, sharp and defensive.

  
You must flinch, difficult not to, really, because Garrus’ hand lifts in reaction and he moves to speak before his hand slowly sinks to his side.  He turns his head away and moves over to his console, tapping a few buttons, the action slow, hesitant in the sudden, deafening silence.  Finally you take a couple steps backwards and sink down onto one of the storage crates nearby, listening as the electronic beeping from the console comes to a stop.

  
“Garrus, I was a corpse for two years.  What do you want from me?” you whisper, you fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs, head bowed, not looking at him.  “It’s like I don’t know who you are anymore and you won’t let me find out.”

  
For a few moments the Turian is completely still, staring down at the glowing console before he finally turned and strode over.   You don’t dare to look up and not recognize the look in the other male’s eyes, you don’t want to believe that he’s changed so much.  However you end up not having to look up as he crouches and places his hands over yours, causing you to look up and swallow; one would think that you’d be emotionally invincible and you wish that that was true but Garrus seems to hit you where it hurts every time.

  
“Shepard.” he begins, shifting his grip to gently remove your hands from the vice-like grip they have on your thighs.  “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair of me.  I know you’re trying.  I’m just… I’m not in a good place right now.”

  
“I know.  I shouldn’t be pressing you like I have been.  I just…” you trail off, closing your eyes and bowing your head; you’ve never been good at the subtleties of expressing yourself. 

  
“I’ve been trying to avoid it.  I’m not exactly good at erm…”

  
“You either?”

  
“Comes from being a soldier I think.”

  
Finally you smile a little, the expression almost pained because you’re afraid that you’re both teetering on the edge of loosing what you both had before.  However Garrus’ hands move, sliding behind your head and gently pulling it forward, pressing your foreheads together.  It’s something familiar that makes your chest tighten and your eyes to slip shut as your hands lift, encircling the Turian’s wrists.  Really, that’s what you both need,  a wordless expression to say that you both still care, that you both want it to work, that you’re both determined to get through this.

  
“Once Sidonis is taken care of…  It’ll be better.  I just… I need to kill him, Shepard.”  Garrus murmurs, his grip tightening a little on the back of your head.

  
“You know I’ll help you.” You murmur, despite that fact that it makes your heart hurt; you aren’t perfect, but you never wanted perfect, you just want him.

  
“I know.”


End file.
